


Ask For Help (That's all you can really do)

by Banana_Uyu



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Help, I wrote this instead of doing my homework, Idols, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Secrets, chanlix if you squint, han struggles, hyunsung if you use an english teacher to analyse it, i also wrote this instead of sleeping, idol life struggles, minsung if you squint, not really chanlix but it is kinda there, tagging is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:08:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26560417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banana_Uyu/pseuds/Banana_Uyu
Summary: Just Jisung learning to ask for help when he is struggling.
Kudos: 27





	Ask For Help (That's all you can really do)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first story, so please excuse all the crappy grammar and spelling mistakes. i literally had a dream and then boom! inspiration. i hope you guys enjoy it.  
> just a few warnings;  
> \- this story is for mental health awareness  
> \- there will be mentions of struggles and deep feelings  
> \- i'm not including woo*** in this story for obvious reasons so when they debut, they debut as 8 not 9.
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy and yeah! that's about it

Depression.

Nowadays, it’s only a trend, but people still suffer. People still have to go through this horrible thing. It is shown as an attention giver, used by attention seekers, but what about the others? What about the people that are actually suffering?

Well, I have a story for you. One of a teen by the name of Han Jisung.

-

He used to be bubbly. He was always out there, exploring the world and his surroundings. It was what grounded him. His family were three of the people that he loved the most - consisting of his mother, father and older brother. They were a very close family and if you asked anyone, they would all say that they were jealous of the bond they had.

As he grew up, he started to learn more things. He was beginning new hobbies and finding new things that he enjoyed. His parents were with him every step of the way. He came to like music and had found platforms for beginner musicians. Jisung would sometimes upload his songs onto soundcloud as well, just for fun.

But not all stories are happy and like any other typical teenager, Jisung went through ups and downs. The first down was when he was 8 and his family moved to Malaysia. He was excited to experience a new culture and learn more things, but he had to leave his small house in Incheon.

(“I promise you’ll love it.”

His brother had tried to reassure him.

“I know I will. It’s just that I have friends and I like our house here and it’s a whole new country.”

“You’ll be fine, I won’t let you not have fun.”

Jisung gave him a small smile and the two hugged it out, happy to have been able to reassure the younger.)

He had lived in Malaysia for 6 years, traveling with his father who was always on business trips. Because of this, Jisung got to see many places - Japan being one of them. He had gone to school, made friends and was happy.

-

Alongside the downs, there were ups. When he was accepted into JYP entertainment. That was life changing. He was only 13 at the time, but age didn’t matter at that moment. He had been accepted, he had been enough.

(“Just one more floor.”

Jisung had stood with his friend as they waited for the lift to stop. Once on the right floor, the two boys walked into the audition room. They introduced themselves and began their stage. His friend singing, while he, himself, rapped.

After they had finished and had gotten ready to leave, a woman pulled Jisung aside and asked him to do a second audition. That’s what had landed him his place at JYP entertainment.)

He had been a trainee for 3 years. It was hard work, but he always liked a challenge.

-

He debuted. He went through many things as a trainee, but now he was with his other seven members. He had them, and with them, he could do anything.

It had taken a while to warm up to the members, especially hyunjin. They had had an argument during a dance practice for Hellavator.

(Hyunjin would always point out Jisung’s mistakes in the choreography and Jisung had taken time out to fix them, but he forgot - just for one day; he wasn’t really in a dance mood - and Hyunjin had snapped.

“Mind your business hyung!”

“How can I when you always make these mistakes!”

“Just focus on your rap!”

The boys dance instructor had made them stand in a line and apologise to each other, but Jisung was feeling petty that day.

“There is a guy I hate. I wish he would stop bothering me.”

Hyunjin had taken that comment hard and ran. Jisung was instructed to chase after him otherwise there would be major consequences.)

They were closer now though. They had built a bond like no other. They were one big happy family.

-

Then the problems started. It was small at first. It was only their early debut so he didn't care much. He would prove them wrong.

Jisung had been scrolling through Twitter after posting a few selcas that he had taken while waiting to go on stage for Side Effects . It was one year after their debut and they were preparing for their fourth comeback. People had liked them. They hadn’t been a complete flop - like some people had predicted.

Jisung went through the comments, happily. He always did this when he missed the fandom and liked to look through the various memes and edits that their talented supporters had made. Then he saw them - the hate comments.

_**channie_190** _  
_i don't know if it's just me that has noticed this, but i feel like Jisung doesn’t really fit the group._

There were replies to the statement.

_**ot8-lovelyfan** _  
_yeah. i have noticed. it’s not that he isn’t good, he just doesn’t really add to the group._

_**i_love_darkeu** _  
_maybe he should go solo. @channie_190 i definitely agree. i just don’t see his place._

_**staightkids** _  
_non related, but don’t you think he is a little on the chubby side of the group?_

_**gaaaa** _  
_@straightkids oh my god! My sister and i were thinking the same thing! He is a little too big for an idol._

_**xhyunjinx** _  
_@straightkids i 100% see it. it’s like he eats everything out of the fridge!_

_**hellavawoah!** _  
_@xhyunjinx yep. maybe he should cut down a little on all those treats and eat more greens or protein shakes._

_**pikapika** _  
_@hellavawoah! that is a good idea. He definitely needs a diet._

_**anononjisungskz** _  
_@ot8-lovelyfan change your username if you are not going to appreciate one of the members you aren’t really an ot8 fan. Jisung is as important as any other member and you all need to see that! You are all being very disrespectful! highly unlikely, but what if jisung saw this._

That was the only comment defending him. Jisung knew he should ignore them, but he was attracted to them almost like they were pulling him in. He read through almost all of them before he was called by Chan as their break was over and that they were going to do a run through of Victory Song.

Jisung’s mind was clouded. He couldn’t focus on the choreography, the comments he had seen whizzing around his head. Maybe they were right, maybe he wasn’t important in the group. He thought it over:

Minho is the main dancer and rightly so, Chan is the leader and anyone can see that he is so talented, Felix had a very wide voice range that attracted many people to him, Jeongin was the maknae so that gave him an automatic place in the spotlight, Seungmin was an amazing vocalist, Hyunjin and Changbin were way better at rapping than Jisung could ever imagine.

Even as a part of 3RACHA, Jisung could feel himself analysing over the last few months together as a group. Chan created the best beats and he is already one of the best vocalists, Changbin was one of the fastest rappers in the world; what was there not love. Jisung was only Jisung, nothing special, nothing different, just Jisung.

The comments were right. He was useless. There was nothing he had that made him stick out from the group. They were all slim and fit the title of being an idol while he was short and chubby and still had baby fat on his body.

So that became his new plan, to make himself better, to stand out from the crowd. To do what his fans wanted of him.

-

Over the next two weeks, everyone could see that Jisung had changed. He was no longer bubbly and bright. In fact, he was now a lot more tired and didn’t stop practicing new choreo or working on new songs until they were immaculate.

It was only a little change. He had started skipping breakfast. When a break from choreo came, he would take a sip of water and then carry on with his day. He would drink a protein shake once a few hours before bed - if he went to bed, that was - and there were results.

The fandom, which they had named ‘Stay’ five days prior to their second comeback, were commenting on how Jisung had become skinnier and how he was looking a lot more tired.

His members were worried. He had lost weight rapidly; it had only been two weeks. Minho had been first to notice Jisung’s late nights at the studio, being a perfectionist. Felix was first to notice that he wasn’t eating. They all noticed little things, but they trusted Jisung, so when he said that he was okay, they believed him.

This went on for every comeback. Jisung would weigh himself in comeback season and would not be satisfied. This had gone on for so long that the squishable cheeks that he once had were now gone. His already pale skin had become much paler and during practices he would get winded way easier, but he did an amazing job of masking it.

-

Once comeback season was over once again, Jisung flung himself onto the couch of their dorm. They had just finished their last stage for their Clé: Levanter comeback and all he wanted to do was sleep. It was as if the choreographers were making the choreo more energy consuming as Jisung lost his energy.

“Ji? Are you good? You looked really tired on the stage today?”

It was Hyunjin. Even though they had matured from that fight all those years ago - only two - the younger felt like that was where this conversation was heading.

“I’m fine. I’ll just take a quick nap and then I will eat later. You guys can go without me.”

“What do you mean go without you?”

Chan. He was going to be a lot harder to convince. 

“I just feel a little tired. I promise I’m fine.”

Chan was definitely not buying it, but he knew better than to push the younger.

“Fine. But if you need anything, and I mean ANYTHING, we are only a phone call away.”

“I know. I’ll just take a quick nap.”

Jisung waited until he had heard the door slam shut and then he got out the camera so he could start his Vlive. He didn’t do them that often, but today he was alone and he had the whole fandom to himself. That sounded selfish, but it was the truth.

Jisung set up the camera and pressed the on button, waiting for people to enter the live. It happened almost instantly; the number of people watching increased every few seconds. When he saw that there were enough people, he got started.

“Hello Stay! I missed you all so much.”

“How have you all been?”

The idol reads the comments as they start to flow in; choruses of “hello”s and “we miss you too”s came in and Jisung read all of them, smiling happily. He missed this, maybe a little too much.

“Did you guys like the stage today?”

_Yes._

“What is your favourite song from stray kids?”

He watched the comments go past. Some said the newer songs like Levanter and Astronaut, others stuck with the old songs like Gone Days and I am You. He smiled and was about to ask another question, when a comment caught his eye.

_**tt23sungminnie** _  
_I like the older songs because jisung has less lines and he wasn’t really in the songs. Skz sound better without him_

Jisung was a little shocked. He thought that people liked him now. He thought that he had changed enough for them to accept him. He scrolled through and found more.

_**jinjinjinhyun** _  
_I dont know why he even bothers with doing this live. He doesn’t matter. Its only because i want to increase my level._

That one hurt. Jisung had noticed other comments asking if he was okay. He put a smile back on his face and waved.

“I’m okay, but it’s getting late. Have a good night everyone!”

He ended it almost immediately. As he went to go back to his room, he got a call from his father.

“Appa? It’s almost midnight. Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I just wanted to check up on you. I saw your stage today.”

Jisung bit his bottom lip. He tried really hard to keep everything going on a secret from them. He couldn’t drag his family down too. He gathered himself and answered.

“I’m fine. I missed breakfast today and I didn’t get to eat until after the stage. I promise I’m okay, I ate straight afterwards.”

That was one of the biggest lies he had ever told, but he couldn’t tell his father the truth, he couldn’t admit to that.

“Okay. We all miss you.”

“Me too.”

“Have a goodnight Jisung. I love you. We all love you.”

“I love you all too.”

The call ended. Jisung didn’t feel like sleeping anymore. He went back to his shared room with Hyunjin and Seungmin. Thank god they weren’t in. He posted another selca and proceeded to scroll through more twitter comments.

_**xotpx** _  
_jisung is starting to get on my nerves. he only a three minute live. i could've done other things_

Jisung was done. What had he done? All he wanted to do was fulfil his dream and become an idol. He loved his fans. He wanted to make them happy. Why couldn't he make them happy? He read a few more. Why couldn't he stop? It was like he had no control over his own body.

He heard the door to the dorm open and laughter. He quickly shoved his phone under his pillow and turned his back to the door of the room to avoid them seeing that he was so obviously awake. He held a hand to his mouth to stop the sound of his muffled sobs coming. He was so tired. He just wanted it all to end. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted people to like him.

He heard the door to the room open and Seungmin's voice rang through.

"Hyung?"

Jisung didn't answer. He couldn't; he wouldn't. The door closed and he heard Seungmin's footsteps going back to the living room.

_"He's asleep."_

_"Okay. Everyone needs to be as quite as possible."_

That was Chan. Jisung needed to sleep. He had gone to long without it and was very aware that Chan would notice sooner rather than later.

-

_"You're worthless."_

_"No one cares about you."_

_"Just give up. They don't need you."_

Jisung shot up and ran to the bathroom. He was just in time as he emptied the contents of his stomach - which wasn't much - into the toilet. Since he hadn't been eating. It was all dry heaving. His tears didn't stop. He eventually got himself to stop throwing up, but his tears were free falling. He fell back against the wall, crying. It looked like that was all he was good at. His entire body was in pain. He was shaking.

Then he passed out. The darkness over him and he was finally painless.

-

"-sung! Jisung!"

He opened his eyes, slowly and then shut them again. The light was too bright, way too bright.

"Someone lower the lights!"

"Jisung, I need you to open your eyes please."

It was extremely slow. It was like rocks were pulling his eyelids down. After a lot of trying, he got his eyes open. He couldn't tell who was in front of him. His vision was blurry. He could faintly tell that Chan was leaning him up, to his left was someone, possibly Minho, holding a cup of something; presumably water.

"What- What happened?"

His voice was scratchy as if he hadn't used it in years. He winced in pain. His body was still shaking, but not as violently as before.

"You passed out. I heard noises coming from the bathroom and I found you on the floor."

Jisung looked down at his feet. He couldn't face them. He had made his members worried again. Maybe he should leave.

"Well. I'm fine now. Thanks for helping me. I don't want to waste your time any longer, you can go back to sleep."

It was the maknae's turn to speak up.

"I saw them."

It was a squeak, but Jisung heard it. He whipped his head round to face Jeongin. He was sitting on the small couch opposite and looked terrified. Jisung had done that. He could only feel guilt. Chan spoke up

"What did you see?"

Jeongin fiddled with his fingers, contemplating whether he should tell them or not. He decided on the former option.

"While we were on our way back, I got a notification that said that hyung went live, so I watched it for a bit and there were some..."

Jeongin trailed off. Minho raised an eyebrow and turned to face Jisung, who was sipping on the water.

"Care to continue?" Chan had said, looking between the maknae and the other.

"There were some mean comments saying that Jisung hyung shouldn't be in the group and he was a waste of space and that he wasn't important and that he didn't fit the standard figure for an idol."

Jisung hung his head. He felt ashamed, guilty and even angry with himself.

"Jisung. I said you could call me for anything. I meant it."

"But it's true!"

Jisung hadn't meant to shout it like that, but that was what was happening. 

"They are all right. You are the leader and produce music and just musically gifted in every way. Jeongin is the maknae, a cutie and just an amazing person overall. Minho is the main dancer and his skill are way more advanced than mine. You are all talented. I'm just a waste of space."

There were gasps everywhere. He had only spoken his mind. Chan looked horrified, Jeongin looked like he was about to cry and Minho just stood there, mouth agape.

"Why the hell would you think that?"

"That's what all the fans said. I want to make them happy. That's what I've been trying to do, but they aren't satisfied."

If Jisung wasn't already hurt, Chan would have slapped him there and then, because at this moment in time, he wasn't making any sense at all.

"Jisung. You are important. You are very important to this team. It would not be the same without you! You are our energy and sunshine. No one can take that away from you except yourself."

Minho paused and seemed like he had come to a realisation.

"That's why your so light now! You've been trying to lose weight? Why?!"

"Because they said I was too chubby." Jisung could only whisper now. He didn't really know what to do with himself anymore.

"That's it! I'm getting the other members."

Minho ran off into the hallway where all the rooms were. After mere seconds, he was back again.

"We are going to talk and then we are going to make you better. No arguments."

-

It had been months now and they were getting ready for their next comeback, Go Live. Jisung was better, not fully, he would go spiralling every so often, but now he had his members to lean on. They had all babied him - including the maknaes - and kept an eye on him throughout. They still did, but his leash was a little longer and he had more freedom. Jisung didn't get affected by Twitter comments that much anymore and he now knew that all those people that had hated on him weren't his real fans. He had all the real Stays he needed.

Now he was happy. Like I said, life has it's ups and downs, but when you get back from a down, that is the best thing you can do for yourself and anyone else.

**Author's Note:**

> hello... this story was kind of a mess, but i hope it was fun to read and you guys understood the points i was trying to make.  
> not everything, i put into the story is true and it is just for the story, so don't take it seriously.


End file.
